So Let’s Talk About Sex

Pick up your jaw and take that brow a few notches down to where it’s supposed to be. Oh and take your hand out of there. This is not what you might think it will be. The Tim Gunn voice in my head is telling me to carry on and carry on I will.

I make it no secret that I haven’t had sex in quite awhile. Actually, ‘quite awhile’ is putting very nicely, like say, a couple of months give or take. But no, we are not talking about just months here. And no, this is not a pathetic attempt at a pity party because I am so beyond that. This is just me trying to convince myself that it is okay. You can laugh now.

Friends have often told me to just get off my high horse and have fun. I’ve heard the “life is too short” cliche way too many times it’s not even funny anymore. The thing is though, I am not a high horse. Or at least I’d like to think so. And it’s not as if I don’t give a fuck. I mean, hello! First of all, I am after still a dude. And dudes, forgive the stereotype, like, nay, love sex. So can you just imagine the amount of frustration inside of me?

Frankly speaking, I am kind of okay with not having sex. Sure, it is painfully frustrating. But would I want to regularly satiate my desire to have sex at the expense of foregoing certain principles I am holding on to? You see I equate sex as a physical manifestation of emotion. Fine, love. And I tried to do the whole casual sex thing. Clearly, I did not enjoy it one bit. I just don’t to have sex for the sake of having sex. So for me, if sex is done without an amalgamation of emotion then I might as well not do it at all. And since I haven’t been in a relationship in a long time, I have been on a forced sex break. That is, I will have to say, a good and bad thing.

There are days when I want to just throw all cares into the wind and end the sex break. But then I think to myself, will it be worth it? I want to end my sex break with a bang. I want it to be so fucking good that I will for once be at a loss for words (And many other physical side effects, if you know what I mean). And yes, I want it to be special. I want that moment to be worth it. That being said, if it isn’t with someone special then I wouldn’t mind not having it. I just hope I don’t go crazy. But I think I’ll live.

Besides, I will always have my wildly vivid sex dreams. In the absence of a sex life, that’ll do. For now. And fine, my fiercely loyal Mr. Left Hand too.